What Does It Really Mean to Give Something Your All?

What Does It Mean to Give It Your All?

Something I often hear as a therapist is clients getting down on themselves for not trying hard enough. They will say things like, “I know I can do more,” or ask, “Do you think I’m doing enough?”

It is a tough question because it usually comes from a place of exhaustion, not laziness. And the truth is, knowing your limits is not a weakness. It is a skill.

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If you have worked with me before, you have probably heard me talk about exercise as a powerful therapeutic tool. There is something deeply satisfying about pushing yourself physically, about reaching your limit and knowing you gave it everything. When you are lifting weights, you go until you cannot push or pull anymore. Then you stop. And that moment, where you know you have reached your edge, is often met with satisfaction instead of guilt.

But that kind of clarity is harder to find in other areas of life. Take studying, for example. You can study for hours and still lie in bed at night wondering if you should have reviewed one more chapter or reread one more passage. There is no obvious stopping point. No clear finish line. It is easy to feel like whatever you gave was not enough.

Clinically, this mindset often reflects a cognitive distortion called "all or nothing thinking," where effort is only valued if it feels complete or perfect. Many clients also struggle with internalized messages about productivity and worth. Therapy helps unpack these patterns by encouraging clients to explore what "enough" looks like on their terms, not based on unrealistic expectations. The goal is to develop a more compassionate internal dialogue while still honoring ambition and growth.

That is why grace matters. That is why self-connection matters. Intensity is not one size fits all. What is intense for one person may be overwhelming or underwhelming for someone else.

So the next time you ask yourself, “Am I doing enough?” try asking something different:

“Am I honoring my effort?”

That is where real intensity begins.